UP NORT'

Tomorrow we embark for doggie drop 8000 at the folks' compound in WI. My parents, for those of you who don't know, live in an amazing lake house in a town called Mercer. It is about a half a mile from jack shit and about an hour to the Michigan border. This is where the pup will be staying for four months. My parents have two amazing labs, Roscoe and Louie (lovingly nicknamed "ham tongue" and "big brain" by my best pal Michelle because they are both pushing 100lbs) who will take great care of their niece. Not feeling too sad which is good. Above I've posted a picture of Penny and her dog pal Tiki from last Halloween. Tiki is Tim and Erin's dog and she is dressed as our country's flight-a-natrix Amelia Earhart. Penny is dressed as our country's favorie orange dream, a pumpkin.

I've also, as promised, posted some pics from PRIDE! Emily and I are lezzin' it up ! I kept waiting for the 1984 Chicago Bears to be in the parade, but alas, they never made it. And how about Rob Lindley and those mullets ! They were clearly waiting for the '84 Bears too. YIKES. Photo Credit: Emily D and Al Scramuels.

My last piece is called: Hells Yeah Montrose Dog Beach. Now Brendan and I go there every day with our pooch. We are very lucky to be unemployed like galldarn bums so we can make this journey. It's a real great place. Tons of space, a nice shallow patch for the puppies who don't really like to swim (Penny), and it's completely fenced in. Then their are the characters. Our favorite one to date is who Brendan refers to as "Debbie Downer of Dog Beach". She's a lady in her late 30's with a real cute dog who we'll call Dooze Rod (not real name. but this lady loves her dog so much I'm afraid she's at home googling her dog's name with insane frequency. I'm also naming my next dog "Dooze Rod"). Right away we knew there was something a teence bit askance about her. She's very into telling Dooze Rod to "GO PLAY !! GO PLAY!!" in a very loud voice. I feel like Dooze Rod looks at her like "No shit hippy. Me DOG, no leash. Do I tell you to wear that tunic everyday"? We've had a few weirdo interactions with DD but the other day sealed the deal for moi. We're frolicking in the water and she's standing next to us spewing something about how wonderfully trained her dog is. All of a sudden we spot an amazing 3 month old pit bull puppy on the beach. This thing is reedonk. Big paws, flopping around with a very cute young couple and all three are clearly having a ball. Brendan and I are swooning. This dog is movie material. I say "Oh my. Look at that puppy !" To which DD responds "Yeah. Well. That dog's gonna get sick. It doesn't have its shots yet. Real dangerous for it to be out here". Good night DD. That's when I walked away. Can the world not enjoy the simple innocence of a new puppy ? Not in DD's world. All she says is disease and horror. A real cesspool of dumps. She then approached the young couple and talked their ear off about what they should be doing. For an awkwardly long amount of time. Yup, you're a regular dog whisperer DD. Keep it up and we'll see you in November !

It'll be a few days till I post ya'll. Mom and Dad have dial-up so I'd be faster sending a letter to all of you. On foot. Kisses till then !

GET DOWN, IT'S HAPPENING.

We are under two weeks people ! Seems hard to believe. Lots of you have been asking if I'm excited and I am, but I don't think it will be real until I get on that plane. I'm sad about Penny but I'm having Brendan remind me constantly about how fun it will be to see her again in November. That makes me happytown USA ! We'll get to the picture above later. I still haven't bought a camera yet so I'm still posting old pics. Yeah Procrastination !

This weekend was a ball! I played my last improv shows until November. The Baby Wants Candy show was one of the most fun shows I've done since I started with them. Just silly and full of laughs on stage and off. I hate trying to describe improv scenes because the description never does any of them justice. But....what the shit. In the improv set, post-show, there was a band geek scene involving horrible speech impediments and the piano hilariously NEVER matching up with the instrument we were playing. If any of you have the pleasure of performing with Joey Bland, you know once he starts laughing on stage, YOU ARE DONE. The scene ended with myself, Joey and Erica Elam in tears. Huzzah ! Then onto the Improv Match Game at midnight. I have to say that this show is such a treat to do. It's relaxing, fun and just so full of great bits. I also feel like I get to play and hang out with people I wouldn't normally see a lot. And if you know my love for puns, you know my alter ego "Punmaster" has a blast every time she plays.

Sunday was the Pride parade which I watched with my hilarious friends Al, Emily, Rob and Doug. All these friends are fairly new and some of the best people I have gotten to know in the last few months. This was four hours of cheering, bits and laughter ! And sunburn. Hopefully I'll be able to get some pictures up of the parade later.

The next week or so will be filled with fun times and seeing friends before we go ! Last night was no exception. Brendan and I had dinner and some karaoke with Tim, Erin, and Amber who are from the Denver cast and of course our good pals. First off, if you live in this Northcenter area, eat at Feed the Beast on Lincoln and Cullom. This place is a beast of a DELIGHT ! The picture above is from our closing night in Denver on New Years Eve with everyone I just mentioned sans Brendan. Erin is six months preggers with their first kid and I can't stop touching that stomach ! I've never had a close friend who is pregnant so it is fascinating to hear her take this journey. I mean there's a baby in there ya'll ! I'm sad we won't be here in September when the baby is born but can't wait to meet him/her when we get back. My money is on a girl and Erin and Tim are going to name it Curly Green McIrish. We went to the Hidden Cove to sing our asses off and here was the running order of what we sang:

*Amber - Something to Talk About by Bonnie Raitt
*Beth - Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-lot
*Erin and Baby - Flashdance by the Flashdance lady
*Beth and Brendan - Endless Love (with killer ass harmonies) by Lionel Ritchie and Diana Ross
*Brendan and Amber - Somewhere Out There by James Ingram and Linda Ronstadt (Amber sang the Ingram part. It was amazing.)
*Tim - All Mixed Up by 311 (a sentimental dedication to his baby)

Tonight I'll be out with the ladies of Sirens so watch out. This week is a party !

WAVING IS THE NEW "SAFETY FIRST"!

First off, thanks to everyone who sent me e-mails and for all your comments about my blog ! I'm glad everyone will be reading. Heidi you owe me fifty bucks. After that it's ten cents per word. Above is Penny ! We'll get to her later.

Onto my title and first semi-angry rant. Now friends who drive in Chicago, you know this is hard enough. People are total jackwad maniacs with no regard for their fellow man. Lately, Brendan and I have discovered a disturbing new trend among drivers. This is not the first time this has happened to me, but, without really endangering my safety this was clearly the most comical. Yesterday Penny and I are on our way to the dog beach. We're driving along, suddenly I see a car kitty corner to us, stopped and waiting to cross the intersection into the road I'm on. I have the right of way as traffic is moving smoothly, but not fast. This woman obviously thought she had plenty of time to get in front of me (not true) and merge into traffic. Suddenly she guns it in front of me, and this is the trend pals: as she is gunning it she is waving her arms at me like they have just exploded into giant fireballs. Not a nice "Thanks for letting me in neighbor !" wave. This is full on "DON'T HIT ME ! I KNOW YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY ! MY BAD ASS ARMS ARE FIRE-Y STICKS OF DEATH !" Like her arms are some sort of wizard shield to protect her from my car blindsiding her. Or they are glow sticks from a barn rave in 1994. Even more hilarious, her insane flailing was with both arms and she was still steering. All I could do was laugh......(then follow her to an alley and beat the shit out of her for having zero patience, drive her car into the lake, and carry onto the dog beach. not true. maybe.). Look for this trend at an intersection near you.

I've decided if I write a rant I'm going to balance it out with something I LOVE ! Something that makes the world nice again. Today I will talk about one thing I will miss most on the ship and that is my morning walk with my dog. It wasn't always like this. Mama likes her sleepin's and there was definitely a time when Brendan was up before me and would do this walk alone. Now, I barely miss it, and when I do I'm so sad !

I love our neighborhood. Call it what you want. Ravenswood, Northcenter, "almost" Lincoln Square, this delightful 'hood is a great mix of families and young adults. Old people watering their lawns 90 times a day and cute babies. The walk is lush, green and delightful. Penny gets to sniff her ass off and pee like a champ. It makes me so happy I'm out of Wrigleyville and would much rather have a nice family pet my pooch than Titsy McGruder in her high heels and full make-up at 11am on a Saturday going to brunch. We get it. You like to drink.

So there's nothing better than a walk with my favorite dog, a hot mug of coffee and my lovely boy in the morning. I guess on the ship I'll bring a rope and a stuffed dog. Dragging it around the ship's track every morning drinking ship swill. Weird ? Maybe not to the Europeans.

YA'LL READY FOR BLOG ?

It's happening friends ! I've started a blog. Man. SCIENCE ! What's next Beth ! MySpace ? NEVER. I ain't no rapist.

The main reason for this blog is to record my travelings. On July 7th my boyfriend Brendan and I will embark to Barcelona Spain where we will board the Norwegian Jewel. On July 7th I plan to get on a plane so hopped up on Percoset I won't remember the next 8 painful hours of flying. We will spend four months seeing France, Spain, Italy, The Greek Isles, Egypt, Croatia and Istanbul. And of course performing sketch and improvisational comedy with The Second City. Neither one of us has been to Europe so it is a time for major excitement. Our phone situation will be sketchy at best, and by sketchy I mean I am preparing to not make a phone call for four months. So, this is my link to the world ! My world wide web-a-phone ! (Quick note to Hollywood: Please stop using the term "World Wide Interweb" in movies. Not funny morons. World wide web-a-phone, MUCH funnier. )

Prior to our disembarking I will tell stories of our intense preparation (re: me sobbing once we drop my dog off at my folks house and shopping for shorts).

Entertainment promised from my blog:
* To praise things and people I love !
* European ADVENTURES !
* Sarcasm and biting satire !
* Watching me misspell "Norwegian" every post !
* Wistful stories about my dog !
* Poor grammar !
* Angry rants about every day life !
* Photos !
* More wistful stories about my dog !
* More ship puns !
* !

Thanks for going on this European ride with me. I promise I will try to make ship bloggers who have gone before me proud. GHess, Brendan, Katie and Steve.