Busy Bees

Hello from the sea! All aboard the train to recap-ville. The pictures above include Brendan at the Rome barber, Brendan the statue in Naples and Cat MAN !

Naples
We went to the Archeological Museum of Naples on Wednesday. This was a real treat. I can’t say I learned too much because a lot was in Italian. Yet their collection is pretty amazing. We also were allowed into the Secret Chamber which was the Erotic Art collection. Meow! We saw a ton of cool mosaics from Pompeii, a million marble statues and a collection of old amber and other jewelry that we spent way too long on.

Rome
I referred to this day as “Haircuts, bones and gnocchi”. We went to the Capuchin Crypt on Thursday which is a crypt/cemetery that honors thousands of Capuchin Friars. How you say? By displaying their bones! It’s amazing. There are 6 crypts with real bones arranged into sculpture and art. There are also a bunch of mummified friar corpses in there too. There was no picture taking so you’ll have to Google it. It was spooky and a ton of fun. Onto haircuts: Our first week in Rome we had seen this amazing barber shop on the corner of some street. It had a picture perfect Italian barber in his early 70’s. On Thursday the boys made it happen! It was haircuts for all. The most extreme being Steve, who had a lot of bushy hair. So much so one of our workshop participants asked Steve post-cut if he had been wearing a wig in the show on Wednesday. All the boys look dapper and clean. Silvano the barber did a kick ass job. After that we had to get some gnocchi on “Fresh Gnocchi Thursday” so we found another amazing restaurant to get our potato dumpling fill. Delish.

Florence
We took the train into Florence on Friday. Why you ask? Because we had an appointment with a little sculpture I like to call Michelangelo’s “David”. Florence itself is real neat. It is like a smaller Rome. Brian had gone on line the previous week to reserve tickets to see David because traditionally the line is out the door and around the block. The heat has not lifted in any of the places we’ve visited so we were also happy to have those reservations and not be in line, melting. We went right in at 1:30 and holy cow! There he is! It is truly breathtaking. It’s also all about presentation. The Academe itself is a pretty great museum, but they’ve framed David in such a beautiful way. He’s right under a giant glass ceiling that lets in a ton of natural light. He’s at the end of a big hallway so it’s pretty much the first thing you see when you get in. There’s also plenty of room to check him out even though there are a bunch of other people doing the same thing. He’s really amazing. You can’t believe that someone actually sculpted this. It took him three years to do. Only three. Are you kidding? I can’t even get a haircut in a time span of four months. His hands were my favorite. His one hand is just resting perfectly against his leg. It’s so crazily real and relaxed you can’t believe it’s made of marble. Bravo Michelangelo! The rest of the museum is great. They have a bunch of sculptures Michelangelo stopped working on which was neat to see since they are in mid-sculpt. They also had the plaster model of “The Rape of the Sabine Woman” which we had just seen the original of maybe an hour before. It was a great day.

France/ Barcelona
I feel like I haven’t given any time to these ports in my blog. These are kind of catch up/ wander around days for us since we’ve exhausted ourselves from our Italy travels the days prior. This week in Villefranche we hung out at the beach and did a bit of swimming. It was a tad rocky though and ‘ol sensitive feet here missed having some sand to stomp on. It was still refreshing to get in the water considering how hot it is. And the fact that we’re in FRANCE. Last week Brendan and I came back to the ship early and decided to go to the pool. We lasted about 5 minutes considering the pool felt like salty, hot, piss-filled bathwater. It was awful. So needless to say we were happy to get into the French Rivieran Drink !

In Barcelona we walked around both this Sunday and last. We stopped at a Tapas place we had eaten at the first week which was delicious. We hung out at the mall for a bit and then went back to the ship. La Rambla is the main walkway in Barcelona where there are a ton of booths, flower stalls and crafty things for you to buy. There are also a bunch of street performers. The cast favorite who was turned on to us by Cody is a delightful man we’ve named “Cat Man”. Cat Man is a full grown, semi-paunchy man dressed in a black cat suit, cat make-up and has a very strange high pitched cat whistle he blows. His home is a giant painted garbage can. As far as we can tell, if you give cat man a 20-50 cent Euro he’ll peek out of his garbage can, paw at you, and make a whistling noise. Sometimes if you stick around long enough he’ll scare the shit out of some real white bred gals from the USA by chasing them 3 feet down La Rambla. This is where the real show is because the girls always scream their damn heads off. I’m sure Cat Man pulls in like 20 thousand Euros a year doing this. I need to get a garbage can.

Ship Life
Alberto still doesn’t have his guitar. He was last seen pawing at the ice cream cones about a half hour ago, and slumped down in a booth in the crew bar watching a Harry Potter movie they were playing last week. Someone help this man. Brian’s new theory is that this Alberto killed the REAL Alberto at the airport and is just getting 6 weeks of a free cruise and crying about his “guitar”. Hm. We’ll see.

I’m debating whether to get a haircut in Cannes this week. This hair is out of control. We’ll see how much my high school French can carry me. I may end up with “Crepe Head”.

Brendan and I both finished Harry Potter! Sad that it’s over but the book was amazing. I stayed up until 2am on Thursday to finish it even though we had to be up at 7am. Partially because I was terrified someone would ruin it for me in the audience. I was super nervous in the show Wednesday night that some jagoff was going to yell the ending of the book as a suggestion for one of our improv games. Thank God the only suggestions we get revolve around Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Come on people.

Finally, Brian purchased the greatest book in the world this week. It is an English Slang translated into Italian book. The better way to picture it would be like this. Imagine a movie where the lead character is Italian, moves to the USA with only this book to teach him English and through this book and this book only says a bunch of crazy sometimes racist things! This book has now made me cry with laughter on a number of occasions. I love that some Italian overheard these words and thought they were American slang. Some phrases are helpful, most are just ridiculous and racist. Here is a sampling:

Bozo Explosion: A chain of crazy, usually disappointing events. Example: “Well Marcy forgot the Power Point slides, James’ computer didn’t work and Amy was late to the presentation altogether. It was a real Bozo Explosion”.
Goozle: A lot of something. Example: “That girl’s family has a goozle of scrilla”. (Please note that this exact sentence is used in the book. Some of the words have example sentences which are even better. )
Burp the Worm: To Masturbate. No example needed.
Chinky: Derogatory Chinese term. Is derogatory mentioned in the Italian translation? Nope. The example in the book says “I don’t like to eat that Chinky food”.
Lapjack: To steal someone’s laptop.
Lord High Fixer: A computer whiz of the utmost ability. Example: “Yer Windows 98 is down? You better take it to Lord High Fixer on the 5th floor”.
Mexican Breakfast: A speedy breakfast of a cigarette and a glass of water.

I’m hoping to bring these back to the states. If you’re reading this, use a goozle of these words in your next conversation for me, ok? Until next time!

Pics !

We're kickin' it at an internet cafe today in Sicily so I thought I'd post some pics while the connection is good !

The first one is the cast in front of Pisa. The second is of Taormina which is an outdoor Greek theater here in Sicily. The third is of myself and Brendy in Taormina in front of the water. Enjoy !

The results are in guys !

Good for tourism I guess...

The Week In Review

Hey friends. Here’s a big ass update. Have fun! I still have no idea how to disperse these pics so above you have Brendan "Mail Mouth" Dowling and the cast on the Leaning Tower of Pisa mid-climb !

Naples
This is a fast ass city! Italians are scooting around you on scooters, which causes you to move yer scootin’ ass real fast. We started out by walking the city and browsing around. Kind of a new favorite hobby of mine in Europe. (PS: Who the hell am I, Elton John? How many people get a chance to actually have any “hobbies” in Europe?) I just love looking in at the stores. Maybe going in, maybe not. I haven’t bought much at all. Looking is so damn fun. We had lunch at a place Cody had eaten at on one of his prior jaunts into the city and it was top notch. For about 8 Euros a piece we had anti pasto (which included some delicious fried polenta), amazing pizza, and a bit of pasta. Again, if it wasn’t for the walking and finally getting myself to the ship gym I would be a giant piece of dough. How do these hot, thin Italian’s do it? I’ve also coined a new term for every lady in Italy: “Smoky F*ck Eyes”. Jesus. It doesn’t matter if it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner. These ladies are hot! The guys are lookers too, but you really notice how made up the women are. Especially when I’m tooling around Europe in a skort, sweating like crazy.

Post lunch we split up. Steve and Jenny went shopping and Cody, Brian, Brendan and I ended up walking around in the Spanish Quarter of Naples. The next experience we had can only be described as one that I wished would happen every week. We wandered into a bodega like corner store where the boys decided to have a beer to refresh. The bodega was pretty bare. It looked like they hadn’t really replenished any of the shelves in a couple of weeks. We met the Italian gentleman who was working behind the counter named Enzo. Brian started conversing with him about Naples, Enzo suggested where we should eat, things on the map etc. Enzo had a few English words, but not many. The conversation led to Brian asking about a custom suit maker’s shop we had wandered into a few minutes before. Within minutes, Enzo had us out the door walking up the block to where? No one knew. We just followed Enzo, still in his apron. We enter a courtyard that looks like an apartment complex. Please note Enzo has just walked out of the store to take us here. Maybe he does this often, hence the empty shelves? He knocks on a door and in the house/suit maker shop are two older men in their 70’s and a woman in her 60’s. We walk in and there are cloth books on the table, a couple pieces of furniture and the other room is made for a tailor at work. But all in all it looks like we’re in this Italian house. Which I’m pretty sure we were. Enzo introduces Brian to the tailor who is actually a younger gentleman who comes out from the back. Through a bit of broken English and Italian, Brian looks at a cloth swatch but then finds out that the suits are 1500 Euro. No big surprise. There is a brief moment where Enzo tries to negotiate for Brian which was generous and hilarious considering he had just met us. The old people are just watching and smiling. It’s super surreal. And of course it’s cool but I’m 20% wondering if they’re about to kill us. But all told, the younger guy is a tad bit sleazy. He apparently goes to NYC every 2 months to check things out clothing-wise, yet he hadn’t heard of a famous custom suit maker that Brian mentioned. So we get a business card and Enzo led us out of the house. He chatted with Brian for a bit and basically told him the guy was too much anyways and that if he came back next week Enzo would take Brian to a few more places. We said “Ciao” to Enzo and walked away. After we had walked about 15 minutes, marveling about how fun it all was we see someone in our periphery jetting alongside of us on a scooter. It’s Enzo ! He yells at Brian to hop on and he’ll take him to a few more suit places. It’s hysterical. Brian thanks him kindly but says we’re tired and we walk back to the ship.

All in all a pretty perfect, very authentic-ly European day. That’s why I love that we’re in these ports so many different times. We can see all the tourist spots and amazing old buildings, but still have these jaw dropping experiences. Just from walking around, browsing, and Brian’s Italian skills. Rumor has it my great gramps is from Naples. I got his immigration information from my mom and I’m going to do a bit of research to see if we may still have any Vengo’s living in or around Naples. Wouldn’t that be great?

Pisa
Thursday was Pisa and boy did we do it up. This is a complicated travel day. Since Cody has done this route and Brian did it last year they already have a lead on how to get to where, etc. This is a huge help and so invaluable! Especially since doing everything on our own is much cheaper than going on one of the ship’s shore excursions. So from the ship we took a shuttle bus to a city bus, city bus to the train station, and train to Pisa. Whew. This was a hot ass day too, so we were chillin’ with the locals, sweatin’ our collective nuts off. It was well worth the sweat though.

The Tower was amazing! When you walk up to it you really can’t believe you’re looking at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. We became even luckier when we scored tickets to climb the tower and go up to the top. Scoring makes it sound like some sort of lottery, but really we were just lucky we got them within a decent timeframe so we could make it back to the ship on time. We also found out later on it was closed to the public last year so we couldn’t have climbed it then. Double score! The climb is pretty easy and it’s so beautiful when you reach the top. The views of the city Pisa are worth the climb alone. The cast joked there would never be anything like that in the states. The railings are pretty open when you get to the top. No netting around it or anything. Still, what a damn thrill. I mean we were in the Leaning Tower ya’ll !

Ship Life
The shows have been great. Our 7:30 show is fun, but is always a big warm up for the 9:30. The later one there are a ton more people, they’ve napped, and they’re ready to laugh. I think 7:30 is still too early for people’s laugh-o-meter after getting back on the boat from Naples at 6 or so. Nevertheless they’ve been a ball. We also purchased the new Harry Potter book in Cannes on Friday so Brendan is tearing through that so I can read it next. I can’t wait!

The other performers are always an interesting lot, and this week is no different. His name is Alberto and he’s been hired to play Flamenco guitar in the Star Bar. Unfortunately Alberto’s guitar did not show up to Barcelona when he signed on, so he has basically been twiddling his thumbs till it arrives on the ship. We first met Alberto when we were playing Celebrity in one of the conference rooms one night. He’s about 5’3, 59 yrs old, and wears what can only be described as renaissance fair garb. A lot of black velvet and boots. He also has giant manicured nails. Giant. Cody has baptized him with the nickname “Wind Chime” since he is always wearing this giant, silver, chime-esque necklace. I think his third sentence in meeting us was “When’s someone gonna shoot George Bush”. His personal history has included things like playing with Frank Zappa and at one point in life he was busy “making drugs for high schoolers”. I mean who hasn’t? The next morning at breakfast he sat with us and shared a short story he’d been writing. It was a story about time travel where the main character travels back in time to have a sex change, sleep with his father and become his own mother. Does it stop there you ask? Nope. The main character then travels back to the present then travels back in time again to become his grandmother, comes back has another sex change and then travels back to become his own grandfather, etc. You get the picture. Oh you don’t? Wait till Alberto goes through every family member for you at breakfast. Then you will. Alberto then tried explaining something about how atoms work. Thank god I had coffee. Then the following night Jenny found Alberto filing his teeth with a ladies nail file at the bar in the main club on the ship. In public. At the bar. With a file…and...teeth. He said he was filing them into vampire teeth. Again, who hasn’t? So that’s Alberto’s tale. We’re hoping he gets his guitar real soon. I’m currently e-mailing McSweeney’s to see if they’ll publish his story. Till next time!

Honestly.

Dear Europe,

Why are you so f'ing UGLY !

BLECHY!

Week (pant pant) One (pant)

Wow what a week! We are just wrapping up our first week at sea in Europe and it has been so overwhelming. On the ship route we were on before you had a lot of sea days, which are just that, days spent at sea. On these cruises there is no time to breathe. We are literally exploring somewhere every day. The days are also very long. We can get off the ship as early as 7 sometimes and not be back on until 6pm. I’m amazed anyone is awake. Ever. The shows were on Wednesday and went great. It’s a fast, fun, furious show that goes by so fast. We also did two scriptless improv shows in one of the lounges and they went well too. It’s a relief to have that first week out of the way. Now let’s get to the MEAT ! Let’s talk about the weeks European adventures!

Rome
We were in Rome on Thursday! This was a non-stop mover and shaker. First off, props to our Musical Director Brian Morris. This guy knows what he’s doing. He’s the only one that knows any Italian which is amazing, and he did this exact same route last year so he knows where he’s going……oh and he’s fun as hell. So Brendan and I stuck with Brian on Thursday and we kicked it off by going through St. Peter’s Square where we saw the Vatican. Two years ago when it was Pope Decision ’05 Brendan and I were on another ship. Since CNN was one of a few stations we got, we saw the square a lot and the tons of people waiting for the new Pope to be announced. It was surreal to be there walking through that actual place. After that we moved onto The Pantheon. Rome is so walk able and so fucking European. I mean that in the best way. Shops, restaurants, cute little nooks and crannies. During the Pantheon walk we stopped at a couple of great shops on the way. Brian also likes to shop. For good stuff. Like made-to-measure shoes and shirts. Italian style ya’ll. The real deal. This guy ain’t screwin’ around. So we stopped in a shoe store where we met a lovely woman named Daniela. She was learning English and showed us her book and cd to prove it. She was incredibly sweet and helpful with shoes and directions. The Pantheon is insane. It’s just bizarre to look up and see this ancient structure in the middle of a city. A lot of Rome is like this which is so beautiful. After the Pantheon we went and had an amazing lunch at a place Daniela had recommended. I’m learning that you should always ask the locals. We found out that morning that in Italy Thursday is the day they make the fresh gnocchi. Lucky f’ing US ! For those who don’t know what Gnocchi is they are heavenly, delicious sexy bites of potato dumpling pasta-eque goodness. If I had Gnocchi shop that’s how I would explain them. So we just happened to be there on Thursday when the new Gnocchi was birthed and holy shit was it great. Brendan had some of the house wine which was some of the best wine this gal has ever put her lips to. After lunch we booked it over to Trevi Fountain which is a massive, beautiful fountain. Europe has not disappointed on any architecture yet. I should also add that during this day we happened upon the church of St. Agnes which was Brian’s favorite, ate a ridiculous pastry filled with Nutella that was also heaven, drank 90 cappucinos and saw like 50 hundred more fountains and frescos. IT’S TOO MUCH! BRAIN EX…PLO…DING……

Livorno/San Giminano
My brain is back together. This next day I’ll describe has been the best day for me so far. I should also mention that this past week our director Matt and our producer Beth, were also along on the ship and accompanying us on our journey’s. Someone suggested that we rent a car on Friday and drive to the Tuscan countryside and explore a little town called San Giminano. So as soon as I heard this I piped up “I’LL DRIVE!” Now in all fairness to myself I do love to drive, I was one of two who could drive stick, and I get car sick pretty quick as a passenger so it helps in that respect. But, do I know any Italian? No. Am I familiar with any of the road signs in Italy? Absolutely not. Can I even tell you how far a Km is ? Suck it Metric and No. So we get a car and before I know it a nice Italian man from Hertz is leading me out of the port on his motorcycle and I have the five kids all packed up in the Peugeot station wagon ready for a Tuscan vacation. This ended up being an amazing drive. The Tuscan countryside is unbelievable. The driving is easy once you figure out how to maneuver around a damn roundabout. I also had the aid of Brian, Cody and a GPS system for navigation. Once we arrive in San Giminano we went into this delightful walled city and explored our pants off. Again, lots of shops, old buildings, delicious cappuccino and buttery pastry. It’s a miracle we’re walking as much as we are, or I’d be coming home in an 800 lb phylo dough case called my skin. The views were stunning. And even though there were a lot of people it was nice to be far away from the ship and away from a ton of tourists. We had another ridiculous lunch courtesy of Beth that included asparagus gnocchi, some delicious prosciuto, bruchietta, pasta that either had shaved beef or truffle on it (the jury’s out) and more house wine that would knock your socks off. They also snuck some wild boar on the anti-pasto plate, but I didn’t try it. And by snuck I mean no one knew what wild boar was in Italian, so we got what we deserved. The drive back was even more gorgeous and full of fields, vineyards, sunflowers and Tuscan homes. Everyone kind of dozed off which I liked because it let me drive and hang out with the Tuscan country by myself. We made it back in one piece, with time to spare. Brendan and I have definitely discussed getting a car again and venturing out. What a ball.

Saturday was France which I’ll describe in a later post and Sunday we were back in Barcelona for another full day. This trip has been such a dream so far and I can’t believe it’s only the first week. It’s overwhelming. I think we’re also just starting to get over the sleep schedule hump. It was worrisome for a bit, getting up at like 6am, sleeping for 4 hours in the afternoon. It feels better now. Thanks for being blog patient! These days are so long and exhausting so it might be a bit before I get to update. For those wondering how Penny is doing, she is thriving in the great up north. She’s gotten into a routine with the other pups and my mom is loving her up with kisses and treats ! Hooray ! Brendan and I are also going to figure out how to say “Can I pet your dog”? in every language on this trip. We’ve pet quite a few. Till next time !

I included a pic of the Tuscan countryside. I'm having a real hard time uploading today so more pics later !

(PS: If anyone can save me some internet time and e-mail me about something that would be great. How do I post pictures within my blog post ? Not just on the top or side. Email or leave a comment please !)

EU"ROPE ME IN" !

Hello blog fans !
Well we have arrived. We are truly getting it done. Where to start !

The flight to Europe was fine and very fast. And by that I mean an illegal painkiller and a half and two glasses of wine later I was feeling no anxiety. I think I was just also giddy to be going to Europe ! I wish I could fly everywhere in a 747 because you don’t feel anything on those babies. Props to Lufthansa for being a great airline. And having free booze.

We arrived in Barcelona and it was a quick trip over to the dock where our company manager Cody Dove met us at the gate. This guy is a pro, gentleman, scholar and just a good dude. He expedited us crew through a very long line of peeps waiting to get in and we al appreciated that. Having done a ship before, what they call “signing on” to the ship is the hardest and most annoying part. Especially after a 13 hour travel day. So Cody really busted out the Ola Wagon.

Our cabin here on the Jewel is great ! We are in a passenger cabin which is a little different from before but it is CHOICE ! It has two windows and plenty of space for Brendan and myself. The Jewel is a lovely ship. Almost like the Dawn, which we were on prior, but pimped out a bit more. It’s nice the layouts are similar so we already know where we’re going.

We are definitely still trying to adjust to the sleep factor. That first day we tried our damndest to stay up, but we ended up napping for about 2 hours. I feel like today is the first day I feel like I might be getting to feel normal. Yesterday Brendan and I were both up at like 6am. Come on body clock ! Git it together !

I have never been to Europe so everything is amazing ! Yesterday Messina Sicily was our first port and waking up was really like Christmas. You look out the window and you see the picture to the left. That is taken from the boat. Summer is lovely and you really just cannot believe you’re here. Our show is in the main theater tonight so we have only been able to get off for a couple of hours yesterday due to rehearsal. But it was enough to get a delicious cappuccino (see cast at right !) and see a church with the third largest pipe organ in Europe, the LARGEST in Italy. It was amazing.

So today we are in Naples and we aren’t leaving the ship because of rehearsal. No sweat, WE’LL BE BACK. It’s really sinking in how lucky we are and I can’t wait to see all these unbelievable places. Rome tomorrow !

(I apologize for the size of the pics, but loading these things are a bitch. Hopefully I'll have better luck later.)

TAKE OFF !

Today is the day ! Just finishing last minute cleaning, packing, cleaning and cleaning. I'll be sure to blog as soon as I can. Hot props to Meagan and Tom Flanigan for taking us to the airport and looking after our car for four months. We will be landing at 67o*k "Moon Time" in Barcelona. Actually, all I know is that it will be Sunday at 9:30am when we land and I can't go to sleep for like the next 30 hours or my sleep schedule will be screwed. HOORAY !

I leave you with a tantalizing pic of Brendan holding Penny. I'll take two tickets to that gun show! YEEHAA !

BULLET POINTS

This week has been a shitflurry of busy as you can imagine. Above are some pictures from my Fourth of Jewel-eye from my brand new digital camera. The inaugural pics ! You have Todd Edwards grilling like he's on the cover of "Weber Aficionado" and The Blands doing some sort of newfangled hula to honor our state of Hawaii. We had a great barbecue with some stand-out desserts. I will give you some other bullet points because I am too tired to write paragraphs. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERRRICA ! Please stop blowing it. We love you, now let's get it together.

* We had our first rehearsal today. The cast is a DELIGHT and I can't wait to perform with everyone. The running order is fun and goofy. More on that to come.

* Penny is thriving in the northwoods. Some highlights have included her being a good girl off her leash, spooning her grandma at night and snuggling with my dad while everyone is gone.

* Brendan and I played The Lottery last night iO and it was a lot of fun.

* We are packing in anticipation of our subletters Rachel and Colin. They are a wonderful couple who we really lucked out on.

* If Nicole Ritchie is pregnant she will be lucky if she births a saltine. I mean like a goddamn oyster cracker.

Here is where we'll be next week:

Sun - Barcelona
Mon - At Sea
Tue - Messina
Wed - Naples/Pompeii
Thu - Rome (Civitavecchia)
Fri - Florence/Pisa (Livorno)
Sat - Nice (Villefranche)
Sun - Barcelona

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT ? Things are heatin' up ya'll !

PROGRESS

We are less than a week away ya'll ! This will be a quickie because the subtitle to this week for Brendan and I is "Errand-stravaganza".

Dog Drop 8000 went MORE than better as planned ! She's having a ball at my folks and cuddling my mom. I was real sad to leave yesterday but my mom is giving me 3-a-day updates till I leave. It's just weird to be back in Chicago and not have her in the house.

A favorite moment from our trip to the northwoods with my folks. We were sitting in a resort bar having some beers and watching the local Rhinelander (http://www.rhinelanderchamber.com/) news. They had a small segment about the new iphone and a local poll that went along with it.

Do you plan on purchasing the new Apple iphone ?

0% yes

100% no

To which someone in the bar replied "Erg. So much for progress".